Saturday, February 20, 2016

Giving Up On My Books

Nah this is not a joke
It's exhausting being the main one that's representing hope
When everyone else is just distracted so that they don't have to cope
While I'm climbing up a mountain and they are sliding down a slope

If I trade in my books
To make room for love from a man
So that he can call me beautiful while he reaches to grab my hand
So that he can text me everyday well, then I can quit right then
And proceed to be distracted, man, I would fit right in

If he shows up to my place with a hand full of roses
Then I can push away the people, who to me are the closest
I would laugh in their face if they ever had something to say
Since they are the ones who showed me life's more meaningful with a bae

Doesn't even matter if he's connected and his intentions house impurity
Doesn't matter if he's broken and unaware of his insecurities
As long as when you look into his eyes, you feel some sense of surety
And after sex, you trade obscurity for a pseudo sense of security

I should shut the hell on up with all this talk about originality
About energy, self-love, forgiveness, spirituality
About balance, conditioning, contingency, practicality
About building an empire, financial freedom, connectedness and duality

Why should I be the only one putting pressure on myself
To generate inspiration, to generate some wealth
When everyone in this world was born with God-given talents
Then they decide to waste it by the liters, waste it by the gallons

Years pass on by and their dreams stay parked and dormant
Maybe they've given up on life, threw in a flag or they forfeit
Maybe they were sick of water flowing, so they turned off the faucet
Maybe they are afraid because their dreams are illustrious and enormous

So they've decided to super settle for the relationship illusion
Where a steamy sexual connection makes them feel a little inclusion
Where they focus less on themselves and way more on forming a union
They are in a lane filled with stagnation but the music's bumpin' and they're cruisin'

And here I, here I go, giving up Saturday and Fridays nights
Working on perfecting my marketing til I fucking get it right
Trynna blind the whole world so our futures will be bright
While they keep ignoring, partying, sexing, til they fucking get it right

There is absolutely nothing about this process that's automatic
And I'm bending and I'm bending like I'm an gymnast or I'm acrobatic 
I am still dealing with all of the events in my life that were traumatic 
While I still find a way to be honest, personable and charismatic  

I know we are all different but what, but what is their excuse
Is it a lack of inspiration or more of a desire to let loose
They said that they believe in God but I'm starting to not believe them
They have dreams living inside of them but decide not to achieve them

What a waste of a dream, Martin Luther King would be sad
But don't you worry though, that person you're with is probably glad
Cuz if you were manifesting dreams you'd invest in solitude and be MIA
Why would they want you to be centered when you show more love when you stray 

They think you are so kind the way you invest in their illusion
They believe that it's loyalty, oh how funny of their delusion
They cannot handle your strength, but boy, they can handle your confusion
And they too mistake the steamy sexual connection with you for the feeling of inclusion

As I look into the mirror and then take a look down at my books
And I glance into the covers to remind myself of how they look
I think of all the sleepless nights, courage and energy that it took
Still can't believe I wrote the lyrics, wrote the chorus, wrote the hook

And to think at any moment I can throw it all away
I can also become distracted, I can also go astray 
From what I know that I deserve like the people whom I love
And I can say that it doesn't fit, and I uhh quit, like OJ's glove

I can run into the arms of a strong, strong man
With a dimple, it's so simple, fall for his strong, strong hands
And I along with everyone else can watch this life of mine unravel
Down the toilet goes my dreams of wealth, prosperity and travel

I'm not saying it'd be his fault, I'm not even saying he couldn't help
But before I focus on a "him" I need to focus on myself
Not many people showed me that, man, I had to show myself
I cannot help anyone else glow until I learn to glow myself
I cannot help anyone else glow until I learn to glow myself
I cannot help anyone else grow until I learn to grow myself
I cannot help anyone else go until I learn to go myself
I cannot help anyone else flow until I learn to flow myself 

Okay now this is getting long so I guess I can conclude
Been feeling like this for a while now and I didn't wanna elude
What if I gave up on my dreams or agreed to put in as much work as you
What if I gave up on my dreams and only put in as much work as you

Why should I be the only one who is always feeling all this pressure
Y'all are gifted and smart too but you gotta dig to find the treasure 
I love helping and inspiring, I swear I swear I swear I do
But what if I gave up on my dreams and only put in as much work as you




And please don't draw a blank, I won't accept that you don't know
Everyone should be aware of the show they're putting on for people sitting in their front row

Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2016

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Organic Love

Used to think real love was gettin married n' shit
Gettin swept off my feet gettin carried n' shit
Didn't know love was dynamic, that love varied n' shit
Too busy looking for Paul, James, Mike, Larry n' shit

Thought finding "true" love would solve all answers
Solve all pain, all headaches, all cancers
Bring no illusions, no drama, no banter
Didn't know I needed self-worth, had no standards

Well I had standards but they were all passed down
Gettin compliments for outer beauty, gettin gassed now
Making sure I always had a boo, they never asked how
Now I'm almost 28 looking back into my past now

I was searching for something that was inside of me
"Just find you a man, girl" is what they implied to me
Dope, so having great sex was a joyride for me
But our connection shouldn't be strongest when you're inside of me
I was kinda pissed when I realized that they lied to me
All this information on self-love, why would they hide from me
When I trust them to be the ones who are guiding me
Now I'm sorting through all the bullshit that they supplied to me

Happiness is not something that anyone else can bring
Especially when you haven't found your voice so that you can sing
They never teach you to be yourself but say you need a King
Then you get way caught up in some exclusive flings

The gems I needed to know first were the following:
How to connect to my soul without it hollowing
How to stand up instead of being on my back hollering
How to pay attention to action, not to what they promising
How to focus on my deepest desires without me wandering
How it's okay to be a curious, intellectual pondering
How to take constructive feedback without it bothering
How to build a club, not be at the club wallowing

Oh, and how self-love is not just some theory man
That's a derivative of Walt Disney or FairyLand
Through it is how you evolve, so don't be weary man
Self-love is how you get to God, it's not that eerie man

They want you to be stressed out trynna save the world
But you can't save the woman if you don't save the little girl
That lives inside of her, so in fact before they can swirl
She's got to crack the oyster open, that's how she'll get the pearl

Essentially this is why I wear glasses and write books now
Ha, I'm playing but you can actually call me a crook now
Cuz I'm stealing all the illusions, don't care how it looks now
Open Your Mind Before You Open Your legs, that's the hook now


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2016

Monday, December 21, 2015

Single Moms in Black Culture

I watched a video the other day of a Black woman explaining how Polygamy would heal Black culture. I can't get into her reasoning right now cuz it's a waste of my personal energy but I felt sad and inspired. Sad because our culture is so disconnected, we feel that throwing an illusion-based solution on top of it would solve hundreds of years of intentional oppression. Inspired because it made me really think about the issues that we're dealing with. One of the main problems I see is broken families - no infrastructure, no foundation. And no one can build upward without a solid foundation. We can't repair a leak while the water is still running. The leak is the weak, if not, non-existent family structure. The running water is the continued pregnancy and repeated cycles - we are compounding the issue. Instead of rebuilding the children that are already here and broken, and the families that already exist and are broken, we create new children and new families, or "families". We are numb to baby daddy's, baby mamas, and broken homes.

Because after a while, dysfunction will become the norm if it's never addressed.

Some people have the right idea but it fails. For example, a woman notices and finally accepts that the broken man that she chose to be her child's father isn't going to help her in raising their child or that his presence does more damage than healing, so she brings in someone to help. A lot of the times that "someone" is the dude she's sleeping with (another broken man if she hasn't addressed and dealt with her voids). Even if he has his own kids, his intention is to slide between her legs, not play daddy to her precious little babies. Does he want more? Maybe. Does he need more? Absolutely. No telling if he's connected to his deeper-level desires though so a lot of them just run with sex. But she puts her kids onto him to some degree because she's desperate to not only repair what's been broken but to show her kids a solid family structure. So as I said, her intention is there but it fails because of his intentions. He's trynna escape, not fall in love or 'fall in family'. And even if he's family-oriented, he probably has his own to provide for which is his priority. And if he's not even providing for his kids, why are you expecting that he's gonna be a Super Dad to yours?

And you can't tell me that he cares all that much about your kids that aren't his. He cares about them as much as he cares about you. If he cares about your kids more, you may wanna check that just a little. It takes time to build trust, build connections, and to purify intentions - even with children. He isn't all that connected to your kids, trust me. He's attached to what he's getting from you but understands that your kids are apart of it. What really should be happening is that the "someone" who is brought in to reinforce is purely connected to your child's growth and overall well-being. An uncle, brother, cousin, family friend, etc. I'm not saying that the guy you're with has ill intentions, I'm just saying that his intentions for being in your life and for helping with your kids, benefits him more than it does you or your child. Think respect, status, "power", establishing himself.  
We are all here to be used, not taken advantage of. #TheresADifference

With that, single mothers are extremely vulnerable in this world but especially in our culture. She wants the best for her children and wants to afford them a certain lifestyle. Not all are willing to give up morals to any dude that comes along waving rescue, money, or a meal ticket but a lot do. Again, her intention is there but his exists as well. The dude that comes along who takes your "stress away" a.k.a gives you a distraction, gives you a couple of dollars for your kids, pays some bills, or whatever, looks golden to you; you'll feel indebted to him. I mean, he is doing more than the biological dad who's doing much of nothing. Now you're overlooking red flags, his intentions, and the reality of who he is because you're desperate to repair your broken family that was created out of brokenness, and to relieve the guilt that you feel in playing apart in its demise.

I hear this a lot, "well if the men would step up and be men we wouldn't be single moms". But I'll challenge that and say, "if you were more aware of the type of men you were sleeping with overall and without a condom, and if you recognized that your power doesn't live between your legs, and if you weren't giving these deadbeats platforms to become dads, and if your mom didn't transfer her brokenness to you and instead showed you the proper way that a woman should act, think, and conduct herself then you wouldn't be a single mom." That really hurt as I wrote it because I know a lot of single moms who bust their asses, who put their children first, and who are the most giving and thoughtful people ever, however, we never address the back story, only the result of it!

It seems like the start of being a single mom begins with unprotected sex but it goes back further. At a young age, she's looking for love that she isn't getting at home. Either that, or she's trying to recreate the love that she saw at home, minus the context of how to get it or what it takes to sustain it. She was probably raised by a mother who was looking to the man she was currently sleeping with to fix her broken home, or who gave up her voice to the man she was dating or married to, or who was tricking just to get extra money to feed the family, or who was so broken that she had men running in and out of the house, or who was so caught up in her mental health issues that she wasn't really present, or who was barely paying attention because she was escaping with alcohol and drugs because she was running from her pain; thus creating physical, emotional, financial, and/or spiritual instability for her children. The mom's brokenness gets passed down to her daughter and the cycle continues. There's zero accountability in the men that she's allowing in her intimate space. There's zero accountability to the men she's allowing to be around her children. And there's even less accountability in the men she's choosing to procreate with. She's running on raw emotions, which leads to her letting him slide through raw. Then an innocent life is brought into the equation and immediately has to take on his or her parents' issues. The kids don't even get a fair shot. There are even women who tried to go through a more "traditional" route who are currently married or who got married before having children or who married their child's dad or who are currently divorced and are still single moms - dad is physically present but emotionally and spiritually absent. Or he's out cheating. Or escaping through whatever his mechanism is. Or he gives money here and there and feels as if that's enough. Or he starts a new family when he was barely an active member of the one he was previously apart of.

The broken homes are dying to be fixed.
The children are crying to be healed.
The single parents are vulnerable, and hopefully, desire change...like yesterday.

I know that turning the water off seems like a basic solution but what if the ones of us without children dedicate our time, energy, and resources to build back up the families within our grasps. We deal with our own desperation and stop chasing after marriage and kids for a while, and start bridging the gap to build the structure and create the resources that our communities need. Bring back having fun, family game nights with no cell phones, cooking together, informal and formal mentorship, try to pay a bill for someone when you can or give them money to help with gas, or groceries, or diapers, or a field trip, whatever. Then we focus on re-introducing self-love and bring in intense therapy to first discuss and then heal the brokenness, redefining the responsibility of each parent, build back up the woman, build back up the man, build back up the mutual respect, and then we can talk about owning businesses, economic power, and overall unity.

But we have to be the hope and stop praying for answers. WE HAVE THE ANSWERS! WE ARE THE ANSWERS! No rescue is coming because we are the rescue.


cc: Open Your Mind Before You Open Your Legs


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015

Monday, November 9, 2015

Why You Screaming So Loud?

Why you screaming so loud?
Moans streaming so loud?
Pretending like he isn't him
Why you dreaming so loud?
Hiding pain within sex
Why you scheming so loud?
Pretending like he isn't him
Why you beaming so loud?

With every breath in and out
You take in his every lie
The ones he tells himself
When you look in his eyes

You make excuses for why he can't
Why he didn't and why he wouldn't
Why his potential will carry him
Then you stay but you shouldn't

You recognize he has flaws
Just like everyone do
But the flaws that you accept
Say way more about you

He's alive between the sheets

You grab, pull, bite, suck
Gave you the Holy Ghost in bed
Yet, he's still spiritually stuck

So,
Why you screaming so loud?
Moans streaming so loud?
Pretending like he isn't him
Why you dreaming so loud?
Hiding pain within sex
Why you scheming so loud?
Pretending like he isn't him
Why you beaming so loud?

Kept him around for a while
"Thought he'd change eventually"
He only took baby steps
Couldn't help you grow intentionally

Had a vibrant sexual connection
Awareness separated by hyphenation 
You wanted your soul to evolve
While his soul was in hibernation

This is just my observation

Ya'll tried to form a union 
But formed a malformation
You were better off with masturbation
This is just my observation

Saw him in your mind with illustration
But nothing was new, no innovation
This is just my observation

He pissed you off
You blamed it on menstruation
Needed to let go, no mediation
This is just my proclamation

Sex should never hide the truth
Shoulda been told this in our youth

But,
Why you screaming so loud?
Moans streaming so loud?
Pretending like he isn't him
Why you dreaming so loud?
Hiding pain within sex
Why you scheming so loud?
Pretending like he isn't him
Why you beaming so loud?
The lies beginning to cloud
The truth seeming so loud
But you drowned it out with your pleasure
Cuz you was screaming so loud



Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015

Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Minute I Start Searching For Love From a Man...

...is the minute I have just limited myself. The minute I just boxed myself in. Sounds dramatic to you probably but it makes perfect sense to me. Societally, the fact that women search for (a.k.a chase after) love from a man - and even the reverse, is not only acceptable but it's expected. Maybe that's why the LBGTQ movement gives people in this country the creeps.

But I'm not talking about sex nor sexual preference when I say that love is genderless. Love has zero boundaries. But what women do is box love in & get mad when it shows up with holes n' shit. We'll be like, "I just want love in my life. Seriously, only positive vibes. I just want a man who is gonna love me for me. He don't have to be perfect but God, if he can be between 6'2'' - 6'-6'', nice abs, good job, no kids or no more than two if he's a great dad, no criminal record, nice hair, great in bed, loves to go down, spontaneous, texts me throughout the day, tells me I'm pretty - nah, fuck that, tells me I'm beautiful, only has eyes for me, owns his own business on the side, has a great relationship with his mom, knows how to treat a lady, invests his money, doesn't spend time in the club, doesn't snore, doesn't have a receding hairline, no baby mama drama, has his own place, is respectful, buys me random gifts just to let me know he is thinking about me, likes nature, buys me a side of guacamole @ Chiptotle without me having to ask, drinks but not too much but not too little, listens to me, likes all my girlfriends, gives me space, loves all the music I love, a good kisser, down to earth, not that many followers on Instagram because Social Media ruins relationships, is God fearing, and just someone who is super dope overall. Oh, and please let him not be controlling or insecure like my last boyfriend. AMEN!!"

WHAT THE FUCK!?!

I have a headache writing all that. Part of that headache stems from my old views on relationships. What I've learned is that, because love is genderless and strictly energy-based; if I deeply desire love to be in my life, I should be open to receive it wherever it comes from. Narrowing down love to a gender, where all members of the gender are not even the same and don't all agree on what being "a man" really means, would be silly. My focus is on connecting - beyond the physical since that's the easiest part. Some of my connections will lead to sex but the majority won't though, I've grown to become so cool with that. I'm open to love coming from strangers, friends, family, and most importantly from myself; not just from a man.

I refuse to box love in or to box myself in. I refuse to quantify love in that getting it from one type of person as opposed to another is better or less than. Because love is not "better" or "less"; it just is and it's relative. And I'm open.




Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015


Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Little B Survived

I have a difficult time expressing myself at times. It's not that I'm hiding from how I feel, it's more that I feel so strongly that I don't always have the words to describe what it is I'm feeling - let alone including tact. My intuition is so strong that it's creepy. The way I feel energy and people's vibe is amazing - and amazingly creepy lol.

I can remember how I felt as a kid when certain things happened. Not talking just "bad" or hurtful things - euphoric things too. It wasn't until I was about 22/23 years old that I started developing the vocabulary to express how I was really feeling. Words that I use in regular conversation were extremely foreign to me back then: energy, vulnerability, vibe, intention, God, fluidity, confidence, insecurity. Funny how much a difference raising your conscious-level awareness can do.

I'm learning, and have learned, to ask for what I want without apologizing. To be aggressive, bold, and gentle at the same time. To never bite my tongue...for anyone. To not be afraid of letting go of perception or illusion. To never fucking apologize for being myself. To speak up, even if I'm the only one speaking - man, that one was a real difficult one. To demand all thing I desire from the Universe. To trust my instincts. To listen to what I'm feeling. To never let someone convince me of something that I know doesn't feel right. To be honest, even if it means the closest to me will get mad at me. To walk the way I want. To talk the way I want. To dress the way I want. To relax when I feel like it. And that's how Little B...Little Me, survived.

I revived her by giving her life again. I can now articulate the things she wasn't confident enough to talk about. I can now speak up for what I think should or shouldn't be happening because she didn't know she could. I can now let go of all the people who didn't do right by her - even if they are people the world says you should respect no matter what. I can create for her - I can now live out her imagination; and make money doing it.

She doesn't live through me, she lives with me. We are one person now. Lots of people neglected her emotionally, now I got her back. Lots of people laughed at her ideas - now she, rather we, are the funniest people in the room. She was dead for a while but she's back now - more alive than ever. She's having a blast with life. She doesn't live through me, she lives with me. We are one person now.


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Le' Fairy Tale

Brought up watching Disney
Being taught to obsess over becoming a wife
Not once were any of us taught how to
Love ourselves and just live our lives

Well okay, maybe they said it
But the narrative always stayed the same
The only way for us to feel special
Is if a man came alone and changed our name

If a man came along and called us pretty
If a man came along for a steamy fling
If a man texts us throughout the day
If a man came along with a diamond ring

If a man came along and said I love you
If a man came along to take us out to eat
If a man introduces us to his friends
If after a long day he rubs our feet

If he signs up to provide & protect
If he commits himself, promises not to cheat
If he signs up to buy us flowers
If he keeps us wet in between the sheets

So what this has essentially created
Is a huge imbalance within the Earth
Men are searching for external power
While women are searching for men to validate their worth

Now if a man is seaching for his power
How in the hell can he even lead
Yet, you hand him over your heart
Then cry out victim when he makes it bleed

And if you are searching for power too
Without taking any time out to reflect
It will be impossible to build a foundation
Hell, even impossible to simply connect

Women are encouraged to commit to a man
Before ever being encouraged to commit to their purpose
Women spend their lives bidding to be a wife
Then get mad when they are treated just like a purchase

Women'll swear up and down that they are whole
Behind her smile lives her deciet
She prays to God each and every night
To send her a husband to make her complete

Now if you're whole riddle me this
Please explain cuz I need a laugh
If you feel complete within yourself
Then why are you searching for your other half

Not only why are you searching for your other half
But why are you searching for love in general
"...Before You Open Your Legs" was metaphoric
With "Loving Inward..." I was being literal

True power is only located on the inside
That's how you'll learn to sing your song
Don't get mad cuz you don't have a man
Get mad cuz you were taught all wrong


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Crabs In a Barrel

Got some things I wanna say
So let's get straight to it
Melanin makes em' scared
Ain't no great debate to it

If lobsters are free to roam
Then why are crabs in a barell
If this is the land of the free
Then why the crabs can't travel

Conditioning makes us think
That the crabs are in the wrong
But wouldn't your lungs get tired
If you were singing the same song

Wouldn't your feet get sore
From you running the same race
Wouldn't you have issues with self-love
If you were taught to hate your own race

Wouldn't you be at the Doctor's
Asking for drugs cuz you're depressed
Not realizing the pressure that you feel
Is from your soul being supressed

Wouldn't you pick up the bottle
If your daddy was never there
Cuz he got 20 years for a first-time Misdemeanor
And the Judge & Prosecutor didn't care

And let us not forget
It 's not an excuse but it is sad
That he didn't know the power of who he was
Let alone the power in being a dad

Wouldn't you be a little angry
If the media portrays you as a thug
When you're just on a long misguided path
Searching for love, nurture, and a hug

Wouldn't you be a little lost
If your school system never engaged you
And your mom worked two jobs
So God knows who really raised you
And you never learned emotional control
So anything that strikes a chord will enrage you
And if you ever went to college
That student loan debt has enslaved you
Then they taught you their religion
Not telling you awareness of self is what will save you
Then tell you about slavery
But not about the path your ancestors have paved you
If they threw you in the deep-end
Then tossed in a raft and said they saved you
If you learned you're a pawn in their game
And the only reason they're winning is cuz they played you

If they hire you to work a job
Like they are doing you a favor
As if they didn't build a financial blueprint
From years of your forced free labor

If they portrayed you as a savage
Then convinced the world you are a monkey
And the same place they bogart resources from
They convince you is a third-world country

If there is a reoccurring epidemic
That is so common but is sick
White women are taught to hate black culture
But boy do they love them some black dick

If they sign you up for the Rat Race
But never teach you how to run
And if your pants are kinda sagging
They'll convince themselves you have a gun

If you have a baby really young
They'll look in your face, call you a whore
But make government assistance super enticing
Just to entice you to have some more

If they don't teach you true mathematics
But beat it into you that you are less than
Then when you add it all up
You realize that you are blessed, man

Cuz they can put you in a barell
But can never kill your soul
While they'd love to keep you broken
Looking inside will make you whole

Never let em' clip your wings
Never apologize or say 'I'm sorry'
For doing what you were created to do
Exceling in your God Body


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Self-Love

Self-love is the best love
I love me, who cares about the rest's love
All around, North, East, South, West love
Smile through it all, that Colgate and that Crest love

It's hilarious, they call you cocky when you love yourself
They'd rather you love some, but not all of yourself
They'd rather you beat yourself up and then shove yourself
Tell em' it doesn't fit, they must acquit, OJ glove yourself

It's not negative to look in the mirror and think "God damn"
You've connected to your beauty through your scars, I mean God damn
Your imperfections make you perfecto, sir or madame
Overcoming pain and guilt make you a masterpiece, I mean God damn

People will try to dim your light and tell you it's not kosher
To be drunk in love with yourself when you tell em' you're not sober
Your confidence drives them crazy but you're not their chauffeur
You've got higher ranking cards but baby this is not poker

You've spent so many years engulfed in self-hate
Hating your body, hating your life, thinking you're not great
Thinking you weren't good enough and that was not innate
Someone put that all on you, transferring their dead weight

So that hate was permeating from the inside
"You're not worth it" is what negative self-talk implied
Your thoughts were dark and all of your actions complied
You were going through the motions taking absolutely nothing in stride

But then you had this bright moment, a coming to Jesus
A moment when pigs start to fly and hell finally freezes
A moment when you realize no one can actually love you to pieces
Until to start to love yourself, a come into your genius

You start to abandon insecurity and examine your heart
You start to realize you are worth it, bullseye from the dart
You start to embrace your quirkiness as succulent art
You understand that every dumb choice is what made you smart

Now when you wear confidence there will be haters and doubters
Who liked you better when you were negative, so they hate louder and louder
They try to keep you on their level so they throw you depressants and downers
But you cut that cord and they are pissed you took back all of your power


Even though love binds the universe, human love is subjective
Everyone's definition of what love is, is from their own perspective
Judging whether you're worth love by someone's actions would be ineffective
It has to be judged by your own energy in order for it to be not defective

Even still, being loved by anyone should not define you
How much you learn to love yourself will actually align you
Then you can feel infinite love from God, that's the Divine you
Anyone who doesn't understand this whole poem will confine you
Say hello to 'aggressive you' and goodbye to 'benign you'
Have fun connecting to your purpose that was assigned you
Try not to be offended next time someone declines you
You validate yourself no one else needs to cosign you



Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015

Saturday, February 14, 2015

The Idea of Me

In hindsight I'm realizing
Too many people loved the idea of me
Who I was at the core
Had the same ones intimidated and scared of me

They acted like they cared for me
When they looked at me and stared at me
My intensity challenged their soul
And their soul wasn't even prepared for me

Compared to me
They were visually impaired to me
Couldn't see themselves, couldn't see the light
And I was who they feared to be

Since I was who they feared to be
It explains why they focused on repairing me
Not to fix me but to dim me
Cuz they weren't a quarter of who I dared to be

And so I guess I was scared to see
If in-depth love really did exist
Instead of being open to receiving love
I walked around life with balled up fists

I wondered what the hell was wrong with me
Wondered why I never felt love up close
"Where's my nurture?", "Where's my hug?"
"Where is my love when I need it most?"

I thought I was pretty God damn cool
I thought I was pretty God damn kind
I thought I was pretty God damn lovable
Or maybe I had lost my God damn mind

Or maybe I wasn't worth true love at all
Funny how someone so confident coulda had that thought
Funny how much I've learned since then
Super thankful I abandoned negative self talk I was taught

Love exists whether we think we deserve it or not
We can put it in our cart or leave it on the shelf
No one can authentically give or receive love
If we don't authentically love ourselves

And so to those lovers of the idea of me
Thank you for the insight, I am so glad
This goes for ex-boyfriends, ex-acquaintances
Teachers, society, both mom and dad

The reason why you couldn't love all of me
Is because you couldn't even love all that of you
So who was lying? You, when you said, "I love you"?
Or me, when I said "I love you too"?

There's no turning back now, I love myself
Not everyone deserves my emotions, time, or energy
Either we connect and move on forward
Or we don't and you'll be a distant memory
No love lost, none gained, no synergy
No O2, no fire, no chemistry
No hard feelings, no feeling bad, no empathy


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2015

Friday, September 5, 2014

El Juego: The Guy-Girl Cycle

Girl is hanging out with her friends.
Guy is hanging out with his friends.
Guy sees girl.
Guy wants girl.
Guy approaches girl.
Guy spits game.
Girl giggles as if she's shy about a guy approaching her even though she spent two hours getting ready to doll herself up in order for guys to approach her.
Guy asks girl what she's drinking.
Guy doesn't wait for an answer.
Guy offers to buy girl drink.
Girl accepts and they walk to the bar.
They talk for a few minutes.
Girl feels bad she left her friends.
Guy asks for girl's number.
Girl gives it to him.
Guy texts her later that evening.
They go back and forth via texts until he asks her out on a date.
Guy finds girl on Instagram.
Guy requests girl on Facebook.
Guy follows girl on Twitter.
Girl thinks guy is really into her.
They go out on their first date.
Girl picks restaurant.
They drive separately and meet there.
Guy talks about surface things over dinner.
Girl laughs at all his jokes.
Guy pays for dinner.
Girl thinks he is a gentleman.
They leave.
Guy doesn't go in for a kiss.
Girl thinks he is so different than all of the other scumbags that she's dated.
Girl tells friends how she thinks this guy is the one.
---------
They makes plans for a second date.
Guy picks restaurant.
Guy picks girl up from her apartment.
As girl gets into car guy compliments her.
Girl blushes and smiles.
Guy flirts the whole way to restaurant.
Guy talks about surface things over dinner.
Girl laughs at all his jokes.
Girl asks about his short-term goals.
Girl asks about his long-term goals.
Girl asks about his past relationships.
Girl asks about what he's looking for.
Girl asks if he believes in the 90-day rule.
He lies.
Girl doesn't notice.
They keep talking about surface things.
Girl feels more and more like he is the one.
Guy pays for dinner.
Girl thinks he is a gentleman.
They leave.
Guy goes in for a kiss.
Girl accepts.
They make out for a few minutes against his car.
Guy stops, laughs, and says he'd better get her home.
Conversation is light and flirty on the way back.
Guy pulls up to her place.
Girl thanks him for dinner and invites him in.
Guy is thinking sex.
Girl is thinking he is a gentleman so of course he won't want to have sex yet.
THEY HAVE SEX.
Girl feels guilty.
Guy feels lucky.
He tells her he has to leave but will text her in the morning.
Girl says 'okay' even though she wants him to stay over.
He kisses her goodnight.
She texts her friends in a group-chat to tell them how much of a whore she feels like.
---------
Guy doesn't text the next morning.
Girl texts a couple of times but doesn't get an answer.
She says "Thank you for last night, had a great time :)"
Then next, "Hope you are having a good day"
Girl goes to his Instagram, Facebook & Twitter to see if he's posted at all that day.
Girl notices that he posted a picture on Instagram an hour ago.
Girl lines up times of her text and of his post and realizes that he must have seen her text before he posted on Instagram.
Girl texts her best friend to see what she should do.
Guy texts girl back after a few hours telling her he's been busy.
Girl say "no problem, I figured it was something" and asks about when they are going out again.
Guy says he isn't sure because work is getting busier but he will let her know.
Girl says "okay".
A week goes by.
Girl texts guy to ask how things are going.
He says things are hectic but he's maintaining.
Girl asks guy where he sees things going between them.
Guy says he doesn't know because he isn't looking for anything serious right now.
Girl is confused.
Girl starts to question herself.
Girl wonders why guy stopped communicating with her after they had sex.
Girl wishes that she had gotten to know guy better.
She realizes she doesn't know much about him besides where he works, a few of his hobbies, and where he went to college.
Girl feels like she's seen this story plenty of times.
Girl asks herself why she only meets guys who want her for sex.
---------
New girl is hanging out with her friends.
Same Guy is hanging out with his friends.
Guy sees girl.
Guy wants girl.
Guy approaches girl.
Guy spits game.

Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2014



Monday, September 1, 2014

Fuck Buddy Dow

Situationships and friends with benefits is at an all-time high. If there was a corresponding stock I'd empty my 401k and invest all of my money in the 'Fuck Buddy Dow'. I'm almost positive I would be able to pay off my six-figure death sentence to Sallie Mae in just a few months. Having sex with no strings attached is nothing new, actually, this game has been around for decades upon decades. So why is it still around? Why is it still working? What's so intriguing about it?

Well, you get to have mind-blowing sex with a person you're semi interested in with minimal effort, minimal texts, close to no expectations, and the freedom to get in other situationships in order to feed your sexual energy. You get to hide behind the "we're just friends" line when the other person decides they want more. You get to hide behind your fear of vulnerability and getting hurt. And most importantly you get to hide behind the fact that you haven't explored what your heart truly desires and your comfortability to go out and get it.

I am all for everyone being comfortable with the fact that we are sexual beings. I think that our energy and intuition will ultimately lead us to the people that we will connect with sexually and spiritually and it won't require us to wait 90 days; I'm sure of it. What I'm not all for is people using sex as a shield. You people are fucking the game way up! You don't know who you are, what you really want, where you're going - the only thing you know for certain is that you are one more game, one heart eyes under an Instagram picture, one more orgasm away from feeling half-way satisfied.

You are so deep into the game that you forgot you were even in a game. Years of after-hour calls after the club, 3AM texts, flirting over Gchat, and sending or receiving dick pics on Snapchat has you lost in the matrix. And it's all because parts of you haven't evolved - you are unwilling to let go of that collegiate mindset. Having sex and eating Ramen noodles is still a turn on to you. You've upgraded from fuck and runs to sleepovers with early morning kick outs and you think you've matured. Congrats…but not really.

It's almost as if we live in a society where most haven't embraced that sex is more than only physical. It's all encompassing of openness - all pun. It's a responsibility and it definitely changes the conversation. Expecting someone to be okay with you dicking them down (men) or getting lost in your sauce (women) and then leaving you alone til you feel like being bothered with them again is idiotic at best. You are the same women who claim "there are no good men left cuz these men are all dogs" and the same men who claim "these hoes ain't loyal and all women are so damn emotional". As long as you keep putting it out to the universe that you are only worth a pair of damp panties and a faded old washrag on the nightstand that's all the universe is gonna send your way. And to all of you rolling your eyes, sucking your teeth, and wishing that you didn't waste a few minutes of your precious time reading "this shit", just know that if all parts of your life are not in sync your overall growth will be stunted. And besides, my money is going into the Fuck Buddy Dow in the morning #takedat.


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2014

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Colorful Shade of Gray

If they see me in black and white
They won't appreciate me in gray
They'll say I'm unorthodox and rebellious
And from my culture I'll stray away

But the only way to be connected
Is to live outside of the box
To put a square inside of a circle
To be less deceiving than a fox

In order for me to keep it real
I cannot focus on the labels
Or on what everyone wants me to be
What educational credential I bring to the table

The what I do and who I work for
I know I'll probably catch some flack
Because how I will indefinitely impact the world
Supersedes the name brands on my back

When I'm connected to Mother Nature
I can hear what God will say to me
While all the judgmental folks in church
Tell me that they will pray for me

The older folks think they know best
They say, "I've lived so I am wise"
And after all of their pain and battles
Who they really are is still disguised

I can see their aged discomfort
The walking on egg shells so they don't crack
Yes they've been through more than me
So respect I'll give them that

But I won't tolerate their disrespect
The looking down at little me
I'm smart and tough, don't get it fucked up
And don't you ever belittle me

My thoughts are valid
As is my talent
My personality strikes a balance
My vision is clear
My arrival is near
I whole-heartedly accept the challenge
I recognize my inner greatness
And all the faults that were added
So do not be mad at me 
Because I realize my awesomeness 
And you haven't

In your world when you add
Two plus two will equal four
But in my world when I add
Two plus two will equal more

And five plus five will not be ten
And three times five is not fifeteen
I always learn from the universe
Not a television programmed machine

So go ahead put me in a box
But don't get mad when I don't stay
Because I am comfortable in my skin
Being a colorful shade of gray


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2014

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Untitled


I put a lot of pressure on myself
To push harder to be successful
Because there are kids who go to bed hungry
And adults living stressful

And with a government who doesn't care

About the poor or the homeless
Or the well being of the people
I find that I roam less

Enough with the clubs 

And the meaningless conversations
The living without purpose
And going to congregations

Enough with following the rules

And the hell with regulations
The hell with repercussions
I’m going after reparations

I don’t care about being invited

I’ll need no invitation
I care more about my legacy
Than I ever will my reputation

With the passing of Dr. Angelou

And my dear uncle Brian
I was scared for this world
I cannot even deny it

Some kindred souls gone

While evil still exists
I wonder how love can take over
Where evil still persists

And with every turn and twist

I fight hard to be ignited
When evil happens to me
With my purpose I’m reunited

Sometimes I write or smoke weed
Or have a drink but don’t sleep
Cuz my thoughts keep me up
They are intense and they’re deep

Like, “my cousins need me more

Have some friends that are poor
Will I rise above it all,
Then face-plant onto the floor?
Will I reach my full potential?
Will I ever help enough?
Is it okay to show emotion?
Cuz I’m tired of being tough
Will having money ever change me?
Will God still love me?
Will I ever become weak
And let this cold world shove me?
Will I ever lose my zen?
Will I lose some close kin?
Will I fall in love again
And have better luck with men?
Will these tears ever fall?
Can I walk before I crawl?
Can I only have a little,
Or can I handle it all?
Will my strong voice kill me
Like Martin Luther & Malcolm X
Or will I fall into the trap
Like Whitney Houston & DMX
Will I be misunderstood like Kanye?
Or praised like O Winfrey
Will I become obsessed with fairy tales
Pixar and Disney
Will corporations diss me?
All because they can’t change me
Will people accept the “outgoing me”
And then reject the “strange me”
Because I am who I am
And I’m not who they think
I have insecurities just like them
But still they believe I’m so unique
And they believe that I’m so strong
They think I have it figured out
They think I am so conservative and proper
And that I can’t get “nigga’d out”
Will my friends turn their backs
When the checks start coming in
Will I listen to society?
Or make decisions from within
Will my family tree crumble
Or can I somehow save it
It’s been years without the drugs
So why do I sometimes crave it?
My conscious thinking is frustrating
Because there are not many like me
Most times I don’t care what people think
But sometimes I do wonder if they like me
All because they are not like me
Or do they like me for the benefits
Do they keep me in their life
So that one-day they can benefit
I wanna be creative like Dr. Suess
And make a few billion buck bucks
And not give two fucks
A red fuck or a blue fuck
By all faith and no luck
Letting the water roll off like duck ducks
And keep pushing forward
And never claiming to be stuck stuck
I wanna get it all right
But I’ll accept getting it wrong
As long as I have a voice that still sings
Cuz caged birds still have a song
You should see the looks I get
Cuz I don’t play a lot of tricks
And I mention that I’m an author
And that I’m the age of twenty-six
They don’t believe me, they don’t believe it
I tell them to manifest it and achieve it
I have some truth to help them out
But I’m young so they won’t receive it
My views are somehow considered radical
Because religion just doesn't seem practical
And my thoughts about politics
Well, funny, and definitely laughable
And my thoughts about this country
Is that we aren't far from being collapsible
Money is always in the equation
So people problems become mathematical
Young, black, and confident
What a White American nightmare
They’ll probably wanna send me on a permanent vacation
Or a brief one on their timeshare
I think I can save this world
Create opportunities and some jobs
And keep being a forward thinker
Like the late great Steve Jobs
Will I spend all of my money
Because I hear the pain ain't cheap”

And then around three in the morning

Is when I finally get some sleep

I put a lot of pressure on myself

To push harder to be successful
Because there are kids who go to bed hungry
And adults living stressful

And with a government who doesn't care

About the homeless or the poor
Maybe I can pick up some of the slack
Before it’s my time to step outside of the door

Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2014