Colorful Shade of Gray

If they see me in black and white
They won't appreciate me in gray
They'll say I'm unorthodox and rebellious
And from my culture I'll stray away

But the only way to be connected
Is to live outside of the box
To put a square inside of a circle
To be less deceiving than a fox

In order for me to keep it real
I cannot focus on the labels
Or on what everyone wants me to be
What educational credential I bring to the table

The what I do and who I work for
I know I'll probably catch some flack
Because how I will indefinitely impact the world
Supersedes the name brands on my back

When I'm connected to Mother Nature
I can hear what God will say to me
While all the judgmental folks in church
Tell me that they will pray for me

The older folks think they know best
They say, "I've lived so I am wise"
And after all of their pain and battles
Who they really are is still disguised

I can see their aged discomfort
The walking on egg shells so they don't crack
Yes they've been through more than me
So respect I'll give them that

But I won't tolerate their disrespect
The looking down at little me
I'm smart and tough, don't get it fucked up
And don't you ever belittle me

My thoughts are valid
As is my talent
My personality strikes a balance
My vision is clear
My arrival is near
I whole-heartedly accept the challenge
I recognize my inner greatness
And all the faults that were added
So do not be mad at me 
Because I realize my awesomeness 
And you haven't

In your world when you add
Two plus two will equal four
But in my world when I add
Two plus two will equal more

And five plus five will not be ten
And three times five is not fifeteen
I always learn from the universe
Not a television programmed machine

So go ahead put me in a box
But don't get mad when I don't stay
Because I am comfortable in my skin
Being a colorful shade of gray


Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2014

Untitled

I put a lot of pressure on myself
To push harder to be successful
Because there are kids who go to bed hungry
And adults living stressful

And with a government who doesn't care
About the poor or the homeless
Or the well being of the people
I find that I roam less

Enough with the clubs 
And the meaningless conversations
The living without purpose
And going to congregations

Enough with following the rules
And the hell with regulations
The hell with repercussions
I’m going after reparations

I don’t care about being invited
I’ll need no invitation
I care more about my legacy
Than I ever will my reputation

With the passing of Dr. Angelou
And my dear uncle Brian
I was scared for this world
I cannot even deny it

Some kindred souls gone
While evil still exists
I wonder how love can take over
Where evil still persists

And with every turn and twist
I fight hard to be ignited
When evil happens to me
With my purpose I’m reunited

Sometimes I write or smoke weed
Or have a drink but don’t sleep
Cuz my thoughts keep me up
They are intense and they’re deep

Like, “my cousins need me more
Have some friends that are poor
Will I rise above it all,
Then face-plant onto the floor?
Will I reach my full potential?
Will I ever help enough?
Is it okay to show emotion?
Cuz I’m tired of being tough
Will having money ever change me?
Will God still love me?
Will I ever become weak
And let this cold world shove me?
Will I ever lose my zen?
Will I lose some close kin?
Will I fall in love again
And have better luck with men?
Will these tears ever fall?
Can I walk before I crawl?
Can I only have a little,
Or can I handle it all?
Will my strong voice kill me
Like Martin Luther & Malcolm X
Or will I fall into the trap
Like Whitney Houston & DMX
Will I be misunderstood like Kanye?
Or praised like O Winfrey
Will I become obsessed with fairy tales
Pixar and Disney
Will corporations diss me?
All because they can’t change me
Will people accept the “outgoing me”
And then reject the “strange me”
Because I am who I am
And I’m not who they think
I have insecurities just like them
But still they believe I’m so unique
And they believe that I’m so strong
They think I have it figured out
They think I am so conservative and proper
And that I can’t get “nigga’d out”
Will my friends turn their backs
When the checks start coming in
Will I listen to society?
Or make decisions from within
Will my family tree crumble
Or can I somehow save it
It’s been years without the drugs
So why do I sometimes crave it?
My conscious thinking is frustrating
Because there are not many like me
Most times I don’t care what people think
But sometimes I do wonder if they like me
All because they are not like me
Or do they like me for the benefits
Do they keep me in their life
So that one-day they can benefit
I wanna be creative like Dr. Suess
And make a few billion buck bucks
And not give two fucks
A red fuck or a blue fuck
By all faith and no luck
Letting the water roll off like duck ducks
And keep pushing forward
And never claiming to be stuck stuck
I wanna get it all right
But I’ll accept getting it wrong
As long as I have a voice that still sings
Cuz caged birds still have a song
You should see the looks I get
Cuz I don’t play a lot of tricks
And I mention that I’m an author
And that I’m the age of twenty-six
They don’t believe me, they don’t believe it
I tell them to manifest it and achieve it
I have some truth to help them out
But I’m young so they won’t receive it
My views are somehow considered radical
Because religion just doesn't seem practical
And my thoughts about politics
Well, funny, and definitely laughable
And my thoughts about this country
Is that we aren't far from being collapsible
Money is always in the equation
So people problems become mathematical
Young, black, and confident
What a White American nightmare
They’ll probably wanna send me on a permanent vacation
Or a brief one on their timeshare
I think I can save this world
Create opportunities and some jobs
And keep being a forward thinker
Like the late great Steve Jobs
Will I spend all of my money
Because I hear the pain ain't cheap”

And then around three in the morning
Is when I finally get some sleep

I put a lot of pressure on myself
To push harder to be successful
Because there are kids who go to bed hungry
And adults living stressful

And with a government who doesn't care
About the homeless or the poor
Maybe I can pick up some of the slack
Before it’s my time to step outside of the door

Unless otherwise noted, All content © Brittney Pressley, 2014